Back To Reality

Here we are now, in the middle of June. My wedding's been over for 6 weeks, the honeymoon's been over for 2 weeks, and the depression is just starting to subside a little bit. Everyone tries to prepare you for the post-wedding letdown, but there is really no way to prepare for it, especially if you do a destination wedding as large as ours with a bride as focused on the details as mine. I know that all brides get the post-wedding blues; after all, it's the day all girls wait for their entire lives, and then it's over so quickly, of course there's a bit of depression associated with it all being over. But I think that our situation was even more difficult given the circumstances surrounding our wedding.

We are a very social couple. We were engaged at a winery with 10 of our best friends from Santa Barbara. We had so much fun on that little trip and our families are so spread out that we decided a destination wedding fit us best. 21 months passed between the moment I slipped the ring on her finger and the day we said our vows, and those almost two years were filled with so much planning, so much communication, so many decisions, so much stress...so much of, well, everything. 81 people joined us in Mexico...81. If you've ever talked to anyone who has planned or been to a destination wedding, 81 is A LOT of people. Our wedding coordinator was somewhat helpful, but we had to take care of much of the planning process ourselves. The 5 day wedding celebration in Puerto Vallarta went off without a hitch. Everyone had a blast, everyone got along, everyone was one big happy family. Then, we came home and it was all over. All that planning, all that work, all that time with family and friends...gone. Over. Done. Nothing but files upon files of pictures to go through and laundry to do when we got home. The first couple of days after the wedding were really tough for us. Neither one of us wanted to get out of bed, go to work, clean the house, do anything that resembled a daily routine. It was as if we were trying to turn back the clock by refusing to get on with our lives. It didn't work. The days rolled on and the wedding receded further and further into the rear view mirror. Although neither one of us could ever forget the feelings we experienced being around so many people we cared about so much, deep down I was terrified that I would, and I'm fairly certain my wife felt the same way. Yes the wedding planning was such a big part of our life for so long, but my depression ran much deeper than just the fact that the wedding was over. For me, the experience of having everyone together was what really affected me. For the first time we had my friends, my family, my wife's friends, my wife's family, and all of our mutual friends together in one place. It was like watching your life in rewind. All of the different groups getting together and sharing stories about each other helped us all form a bond that won't soon be broken. We came together not just as a group, but as one big family. Differences in perspective and belief were suspended as groups with diametrically opposed views came together to celebrate with us. There was no drama. There were no fights. There was just us...and a guy in a day-glo banana hammock. Witnessing how much your friends and family care about you is a very powerful thing, as is watching your friends reinforce why they're such good friends. After all, a lot of things can go wrong in a tropical paradise with an open bar, but our friends represented us better than we could have ever imagined, and those that weren't considered part of the family before most certainly are now. Being yanked away from that experience was tough, but we knew that we still had an absolutely amazing honeymoon ahead of us. That's really the only thing that kept us going after the wedding. Every time we were down, all we had to do was look at those plane tickets and tell ourselves that the dream was going to continue for a little while longer.

Before either of us knew it, we were loading our bags into the overhead and settling down for a 17 hour flight from LAX to Bangkok. It was the longest flight I'd ever been on in my life, but at least the seats on Thai are nice and big and recline, you have your own personal entertainment system, they serve decent food and free booze, and we had enough Ambien to put down a rhino for an afternoon siesta. Stepping out of the airport in Bangkok was like being decked in the face. The sights, sounds, smells, and intense heat were overwhelming. I officially know the definition of culture shock now. Our first hotel was kind of a dump, and we knew that we were going to be tested as soon as we walked in and saw the two single beds. During the course of our stay there (18 hours) we had a broken shower head, and broken window lever, a malfunctioning AC unit, no TV remote, no clock, and I had to fix their internet. We could have approached it two ways; we could have been upset that the first day of our honeymoon was turning out like a scene from a Griswold family vacation, or we could have laughed it off. We chose the latter. We pushed the beds together, set our travel alarm clock, turned the TV off, and stole free internet after I fixed it. We decided in that day that we were going to enjoy everything that was thrown at us because this was a once in a lifetime experience. From the beautiful beaches of southern Bali, to the lush jungles of central Bali, to the smoldering streets of Bangkok and the emerald seas of Koh Samui, we enjoyed every minute of our trip, regardless of what came at us. In Bali we enjoyed a phenomenal chef's tasting dinner on the beach at sunset. The food was amazing, the views were incredible, and it was 742 degrees. It took all of 3 minutes for me to completely sweat through my clothes. It was miserable. It was hysterical. One picture from that dinner has become one of everyone's favorite from the honeymoon because you can tell that, even though I'm miserable, I'm loving every minute of the experience. Then I got sun poisoning. 2 days of cold sweats and hot flashes, coupled with intense stomach problems couldn't keep my spirit down. Yes, I was sick, but I was sick because I had LAID ON THE BEACH IN THE SUN FOR TOO LONG...I mean, c'mon. Then there was the last-minute scramble for a hotel in Bangkok after the Four Seasons couldn't open because of the protests. While this was an inconvenience and it meant we couldn't see some of the parts of Bangkok we wanted to see, we can now say we were in Bangkok during a potentially pivotal (although pretty ugly) moment of Thai history. In Koh Samui I tore the tops of my feet up pretty good snorkeling in Ang Thong marine park. Although it was painful, it was no more serious than a few scrapes on my feet. And now, when people ask how I got the scars on the top of my foot I can say "oh that...that's just from a reef off the coast of Koh Samui." Everyone loves a great scar, if you don't believe me just watch the scene from Jaws where they're comparing scars; one of the best scenes in cinema if you ask me.

Anyway, those were the BAD parts of the trip, which just goes to show you how good the good parts were. There was the Grand Palace in Bangkok, which was absolutely incredible in its level of detail and ornamentation. We trudged through the rain and took tuk-tuks all over the city until we found Chatuchak market, which just happens to be the world's largest street market. Although I hate shopping, this is a must-see for anyone going to Bangkok. 8,000 booths sell anything and everything. My wife shopped, I drank Singhas and ate assorted strange meats on a stick. It was awesome.

The landscape of Bali is something that cannot be easily and accurately described to someone who hasn't experienced it first hand. We started out on the sun-drenched beaches and surf spots of southern Bali, where we spent our days paddle boarding in Jimbaran Bay and our nights eating fresh-grilled seafood with our toes in the sand. Our road trip to Padang Padang beach and Uluwatu temple was a truly memorable experience, although if you do go I would suggest skipping the fire dance at Uluwatu. Unfortunately the Balinese people have difficulty balancing the reverence and ceremony associated with their spiritual side with the need to exploit the culture for tourist dollars. There are other places on Bali to see representations of important cultural celebrations, but Uluwatu is a must-see for the beautiful sunsets on the clifftop temple and the kleptomaniac monkeys. From there we traveled into the rice fields and lush jungles of central Bali. This area is the artistic heart of Bali. This part of the island is so totally different from the sea-centric southern part of the island. Volcanoes pock the landscape and the jungle overtakes everything that's not constantly maintained. Red brick and stone temples dominate every neighborhood along the route to Ubud, the ominous-looking gargoyle-like statues guarding the entrance from evil spirits and negative thoughts. We were lucky enough to meet a great driver who was with us for three days. During that time he took us to a lot of places that most tourists would never get to see. Shopping for fruit with my wife on the way to Mt. Batur was one of my fondest memories. Seeing her excitement as she tried all this tropical and mysterious fruit was truly memorable for me. The small town of Ubud was thick with expats and artists, a vibrant mix of locals and tourists that created an atmosphere I have never experienced before. We met a great group at the Four Seasons in Sayan. Coincidentally they were from LA, and we got along very well. They were quite an entertaining group, and the stories they told us were so funny, it's a shame we can't repeat them. If you guys are reading this, thanks for the cocktails in your insane villa, and thanks for the company. Hopefully we'll remain friends for a long time.

Then it was off to Koh Samui, an island in the Gulf of Thailand. The Four Seasons there was the most ridiculously beautiful hotel I've ever seen in my life. The private villa we had had its own lap pool overlooking the ocean and neighboring Koh Phangan. Emerald seas washed over a coral reef and lapped gently onto the white sand beach.The only real workout I got was taking the kayak out to the reef and exploring. We spent one morning zip-lining through the high canopy, dodging spiders as big as my hand and even bigger geckos. Then we rented a car and drove around the entire island, which was one of my absolute favorite experiences. Driving around on your own is such a great way to experience another culture (provided you have the proper insurance and permits and keep your wits about you while you're driving and while you're checking the car in and out, otherwise it can be a nightmare). Piloting a right-hand drive car on the left side of the road took a little getting used to, but we managed to get along just fine. We found an isolated village on the southern tip of the island and in it we found a little shack selling beer and snacks. We spent some of the afternoon sitting on a beach, just the two of us, watching a Thai man wash his buffalo in the sea. From there we headed out to a safari park, where we walked amongst the Asian elephants that were taking people for rides. I was really looking forward to hanging out with elephants, but this turned out to be more exploitation than anything. Instead of riding the elephants we just walked around and petted their trunks, taking pictures of the ones that were docile enough to let us. One of the highlights of the day was getting to hold a tiger cub. He was only about 75 lbs, but bottle feeding him allowed you to feel all the power in his jaws. And when he went to paw at the bottle you really got a sense of how big he was going to be by the size of his paws, and more importantly, the size of his claws. After that it was off to Chaweng, the most popular tourist district on Koh Samui. Again, the wife exercised her shopping muscles while I exercised my patience muscles. After snagging some bargains we headed out to the small fishing village of Bo Phut, where we watched the sun finish setting behind Big Buddha, a huge golden Buddha statue that sits right on the water front. The Thais really enjoy building extra large statues of Buddha; they seem to be everywhere. It was really interesting to be in Thailand and Bali, where the religious beliefs are so out in the open and so celebrated. It's interesting to see a culture where religion is such a central part of the culture, yet you see very few fanatics trying to convert or preach. Perhaps the Christians in the US and the Islamic extremists the world over should take a few notes. At dinner in Bo Phut I was finally introduced to another inescapable aspect of the Thai culture; the sex industry. Every bar in this little fishing town was full of girls (and ladyboys) who would yell out at passing tourists for dates. I had to make a trip back to the rental car from the restaurant to grab some wine we had bought earlier, and on my way back to the restaurant I noticed the sound of high heels running behind me. As she gained on me I knew I was going to get solicited, so I turned to see a tall Thai in a tight white mini (and I mean MINI) skirt. As she got right behind me she said "you need date tonight handsome?" But the voice didn't match the face or the body. It matched Barry White. I almost pissed myself laughing. Taking a car and setting out on your own may seem daunting in a foreign country, but if you take the right precautions it can open so many opportunities that most people would never get to have. The freedom to explore wherever you want whenever you want is liberating and exciting, and this day trip really made our trip. We spent another day in Ang Thong, which is a marine sanctuary made up of 43 small islands. The landscape is absolutely breath-taking, with limestone spires jutting out of the crystal clear green waters. We went snorkeling (hence the scratches and scrapes mentioned earlier) and got to eat lunch and explore in the only village in the park. This was one of the saddest and most impacting parts of the trip. I've seen plenty of poverty in my life. But never, ever have I seen poverty like this. These villagers were sustenance fishers and farmers, their only other income coming from the small fees they get for the day trips like the one we were on. The village was covered in piles of garbage, with only ramshackle huts to house the 600 citizens. In perhaps one of the strangest juxtapositions I have ever seen, the only real sounds in the village came from a blaring tv set playing Thai cartoons. As I walked through the village I thought about living like that. Could I do it? Maybe if I that was all I had known I could, but now, no way. I've become so spoiled, so accustomed to the things I've taught myself that it's my right to have, that I sometimes take for granted the things I DO have. I think that we all tend to focus on the things that we don't have, and unfortunately it seems that so much of the time we have to lose everything before we realize what we do have. And even if you were to lose your possessions, say you got laid off, couldn't work for a long time, had to declare bankruptcy...you still have much, much more than these people will ever have. That's a very powerful realization to have, and it's one that will forever change my perspective on what I have and what I need to be happy. The last highlight of the trip was the Full Moon Party on Koh Phangan. This is a world-renowned beach party celebrating the full moon. DJ's and food and booze stands line the beach while fire dancers perform and people dance. The one we attended was relatively small, only 30,000 people. After a 30 minute speed boat ride it was time to uncross my fingers, jump off the boat, and grab a cocktail. I was a little shocked at the cocktails. They consisted of a small bucket, a pint of vodka or Thai whiskey, a can of Coke, and a can of Red Bull. You give the vendor 200 baht (a little less than $7) and they fill the bucket with ice, dump everything in it, and stick about 6 straws in the bucket. That's your cocktail. Yeah. We met about 9 million people, including a bunch of nutty German girls, a crazy Canadian and a Thai DJ. I slid down a steel slide through a ring of fire and fell INTO the boat going home. Truly one of those once in a lifetime experiences that I'll never forget.

The trip home was a much more somber affair than the trip there. The flight was not as long (only 14 hours) and uneventful. We looked at pictures, watched movies, and slept. The 2 hour drive home from LAX to Santa Barbara was quiet and reflective. And the next day, the depression really set in. And even though it still hasn't totally faded as life gets back to normal, there's one thing that always seems to help; friends and family.

The one thing I realized I needed more of in my life was relationships. We met some truly incredible people on our trip (shout out to Howell and the LA crew) and we couldn't help but realize how incredibly lucky we are to have both of our lives touched by such an amazing group of family and friends. The reason we're so sad now is because we truly miss all the incredible times we had at the wedding and in SE Asia, so I guess that's really not a reason to be down at all.

Bali High

The first two locations of this honeymoon could not have been further apart on the cultural scale. Bangkok was the picture of a sprawling metropolis, and from what I've heard from many people who have lived in Asia for long periods of time, the perfect representation of the urban Thai people. While their downtown city center was being set alight by rural protesters, our taxi driver drove us past the burning piles, turned to us with a smile and asked "how you like Bangkok, it very beautiful city, yes?" The Land of 1,000 Smiles definitely lives up to its name, but what you don't realize is how much anguish and anger is sometimes behind those smiles. When we touched down in Jimbaran Bay, Bali we immediately switched gears and began to sink into the life of the resort-swelling beach comber. Endless hours in a beach chair with toes in the sand, enjoying ice-cold Bintang beers and fresh seafood caught earlier in the morning and grilled right in front of you is not a bad way to spend a few days. Staying at the Four Seasons ratchets up the spoiled notch a bit further. You know life is good when the biggest complaint you have is that the private plunge pool in your villa isn't just a little bit cooler, and you have to wait 5 extra minutes for the golf cart to pick you up to give you a ride down to the beach-side gazebo for your ocean-front spa treatments. Yeah, shit gets rough, son.

From Jimbaran we moved into central Bali, into an area called Ubud. Getting around in Bali is very easy. Taxis are everywhere, and drivers are willing to work off the clock for a negotiated day or hourly rate. If you talk to a few different drivers and do a little research, you can manage to find one who speaks English well enough to tell you about the Balinese culture. We had a great driver yesterday who told us all about his family, his religion, and his culture. Bali is a very spiritual place. Everywhere you look there are small offerings. He explained to us that unlike many other religions, in Balinese culture it is not the size of the offerings that matters, the only thing that matters is that it comes from a good place. If you're dirt poor and you pick a beautiful flower and present it as an offering, and you present it with love in your heart, the gods will accept it with open arms. However, if you are a very rich person, but your money comes from dishonest, illegal, or corrupt means, your heart is corrupted and black, and even if you offer the gods, say, a Rolls Royce, the gods will still not smile upon you or your family.

Pulling into the Four Seasons Sayan is an exercise in spiritual awakening. The architecture assures that the resort blends perfectly into the jungle and the river below. There are lily ponds everywhere. They grow much of their own food on property. The entire property has a spa-like atmosphere that is worlds apart from the hustle and bustle of southern Bali. This Bali is more in tune with the metaphysical, the spiritual, and the emotional parts of the relationship we share with the environment. To experience central Bali is to experience zen, and looking out into the jungle and the river valley below it's very easy to see why the people here thank their gods for such a beautiful place to call home.

Maybe we should all think more about the intrinsic beauty of where we call home. If we learn to appreciate what we've been given in this world, then perhaps we can learn to live with richer and more pure hearts. I know I'm getting all zen here, but trust me, when you're in a place like this you really start to think about how you live life.

Luckily enough I have a wonderful wife, an amazing family, and the best friends a person could ever ask for to share my life with.

And no offense to the gods, but if I had a Rolls, I'd probably keep it. The flowers here are prettier anyway.

Tale of Two Cities

So after an extremely stressful wedding planning process the wife and I seriosuly deserved some R&R. We spent a lot of time planning an epic homeymoon in SE Asia, and we're finally getting to realize our dreams here. After a brutal late-night 17 hour flight from LAX, we landed in Bangkok. As we stepped out of the airport the heat and humidity immediately hit us and we were instantly sweating through our clothes...at 6 AM. We grabbed a cab and headed to our hotel, the Miracle. The name could not have been more ironic. There was nothing miraculous about the Miracle. The rooms were small, dirty, and nothing worked. The rooftop pool was a nice touch, aside from the fact that it overlooked a slum overrun with wild dogs and people cooking strange smelling meats (perhaps some of said dogs...I'm not even kidding), and the internet was down. I ended up repairing their internet on the sly and using it without them knowing so I wouldn't have to pay. This was in retaliation for the constant scamming they try to pull on you as an American. Granted, some of this is deserved, since Americans in general tend to be completely unwilling to make any attempts to assimilate themselves into the culture they are traveling in. I'm guilty of that. I learned very few Thai phrases before we got there. I figured I could get by with my boyish smile and a "sa wat dee kob,' but no dice. We ended up taking a cab past the downtown warzone and into the Grand Palace (absolutely amazing) and Chatuchak, the world's largest street market. This was an unreal experience. They sell everything from food to fake handbags to puppies. The sights, sounds, and smells are absolutely indescribable.

The next morning we flew to Jimbaran Bay in Bali and posted up at the Sour Seasons. What a difference 24 hours makes! A private villa with our own plunge pool overlooking beautiful Jimbaran Bay with Mt. Akung in the distance. This place is truly an epic paradise that has no equal that I have seen. And that's why this blog entry will be so short. The sun is shining, there's fresh fish on the grill, and the Bintang beers are flowing.

Till next time friends.

Blood, Sweat, and Tequila

Well, it's exciting to finally write that the wedding went off without a hitch! We piled tons of clothes, suits, one extra large and fragile wedding dress, and boxes upon boxes of homemade favors and table decorations into my tiny car and headed down to La Jolla a few weeks ago Sunday. I picked my parents up from the airport and could barely contain my excitement. Luckily for us my in-laws have a vacation rental so my family stayed in that while we stayed in the main house. For once I think I finally understood how homesteaders must have felt back in the day when all the families gathered into one compound for safety. Only we weren't in fear of anything except bad weather, ugly decorations, and Montezuma's Revenge.

Caravaning with two families (one of which does not travel a lot and one of which travels all the time) to one of the busiest airports in the world was not the most relaxing way to start the trip. We met some friends at LAX and our group finally maxed out at 13 people and 19 bags on one flight. We managed to get there in one piece and so did our luggage, and after some negotiating and paperwork we were finally on our way to the resort. The resort itself was absolutely beautiful, and the staff was very friendly most of the time. There was a large group of Icelandic/Southern/Chinese on-line gamers at the hotel with us, so I think we were really testing the limits of the resort staff. On a side note, if you've never seen an on-line gamer with a bald head and a molester moustache wearing bright orange Speedos, then you've never lived. At first we were a little worried, but their group of 600 turned out to be very nice and respectful, and I'm happy to say that we've made some friends out of the situation.

I'll go into more detail about the actual wedding on a later post, but let's just say that every ounce of hard work and agonizing over details definitely paid off. We worked well together as a team and I think we did a great job putting together an event that our guests will remember for their whole lives; I know it will go down as one of the absolute best experiences of my life.

The best part about it was the fact that we had 81 people, and not one argument or disagreement. We had people from both ends of the socio-economic, political, and cultural spectrums, yet everyone mixed with everyone else under one common bond, us. To me, that's what our wedding was all about. Sure the epic location and endless food and beverages were great. And the decor and the setting was absolutely awesome. But the friends and family who made sacrifices to share the moment with us; you guys made it for us.

They say you can't choose your family. I say bullshit. You choose your family everyday. Those friends that you confide in when times are tough and laugh with when times are good; they're just as much family as your blood. The 5 guys that stood next to me and the 6 girls who stood next to my wife are my family. My wife's aunts and uncles and grandmas and grandpas are my family. But most of all, my wife is my family. The sacred trust that we've entered into is something that ties our families together. It sounds so cheesy, but I witnessed it. I saw 81 people coming together, living, laughing, and loving in a way that I've never experienced before. And I think one of the neatest parts of the entire experience was that we were able to introduce people with different perspectives and different ways of life, and instead of judging or seperating, people really seemed to embrace their differences and realize that there was one huge thing we all now have in common; we ARE family.

And I didn't get my mariachi band, but I did get to see my wife wail on a pinata. Win.

For all my family and friends as Page and I embark on our honeymoon, we truly do love you all with all of our hearts. You guys have no idea how special of an experience you made our wedding, and you will all forever have a place in our hearts. I couldn't pick a better group of people to have by my side.

Single Digits

Wow. So it's been another long hiatus in my little blog, but for good reason. As this destination wedding has been getting closer and closer things have really been moving quickly. It's so funny; we have been engaged since August of 08, almost 2 years, and when we got engaged we almost immediately started planning for this destination wedding. It seems like just yesterday we would be speaking with friends and family and they would ask "when's the big day?" and we'd respond "oh, not til May of 2010, we still have plenty of time." Up until about a month ago this creature has taken a life of its own. It went from a little puff of smoke on the horizon to a steam engine locomotive barreling down on us at full speed, and we have no way of getting off the tracks now. And I'm not saying that we want to get off the tracks; we're both very excited to be marrying each other and this whole process has just solidified our relationship, I'm just saying that after all of this planning and time, this thing is finally right here, in our faces, and it's a lot bigger than we imagined it would be. I'm not quite sure how this happens to couples. Everyone tells you that planning the wedding will be this huge ordeal full of minor and sometimes major hiccups and it tests the relationship and yada yada yada...and all couples go home and tell each other the same things. "It won't be that crazy for us. It'll be intimate. No big crazy elaborate wedding for us. And we won't disagree about petty stuff like other couples." And then, before you know it, you're fighting over how many light blue ribbons to buy to put on the custom-made cupcakes for all 730 of your closest friends. It's simply inevitable. You will disagree. You will invited 20% more people than you thought. You will spend 40% more than you thought. And it will still be over way to quickly.

My dry erase board in my office has had a countdown on it since I moved in about 50 days ago. It's now down to single digits. Every time I look at it I'm excited and a little scared. I think the biggest thing a groom has to deal with is making sure that everyone else is happy. After all, we're not the bride, who's been thinking about this day forever and needs it to be _perfect_. We're not either set of parents, who have also thought about this day for a long, long time and have also paid a lot of money to help it happen (if you're a lucky couple, and we are, while we're paying for the actual wedding ourselves, our parents are helping us in different and amazing ways, thanks guys). It's the groom's job to make sure things are going smoothly and everyone's mingling and having a good time. While I'm a very social person, we have 80 guests, some of whom I've never met. It's hard to make that many people happy, and I think the most important thing for brides and grooms to remember is that not everyone is going to be happy with everything. There will inevitably be bumps in the road along the way, but it's so important to remember that those little things are sometimes the best and most entertaining memories. After all, there's no such thing as perfectionblog.com, but failblog.com gets millions of hits. Your friends and family don't want to witness something that's a cold, stagnant, over-produced piece of perfection; they want to be a part of something that they can see you put your blood, sweat and tears into. They want to see you winging it, in all your imperfect glory, because that's the truer representation of how the rest of your married life will go. The cake's not always going to be perfect and you might step on her toes during the first dance, but you're there, together, trying like hell to make it perfect and laughing and loving it when it isn't. Too much pressure for a perfect anything leads you into failure more times than not.

While I would love to have the perfect wedding where nothing goes wrong and I am going to do everything I can to assure that happens, I'm not going to go crazy if something does go wrong. Because after all, even though this locomotive is steaming right towards us, it's much easier now to realize that it's on a different set of tracks next to us and going in a different direction. In a very, very short time that locomotive will be long gone, replaced by memories, but we'll still be in the car together traveling the same road for a long, long time to come.

When It Hits the Fan

Anyone who has ever planned a wedding themselves can tell you that it is far from the smoothest experience you could ever hope to share with your soon-to-be-spouse. In some ways, planning a wedding can become one of the toughest tests of a marriage, and the vast majority happens before you're even actually married. Planning a wedding is like the Olympics of a relationship. There are so many different areas that can put any couple, no matter how strong, to the test. I'm sure that many marriages would have probably lasted much longer if the couple had planned the wedding differently. I don't mean if they picked lilies instead of roses or vanilla instead of chocolate cake; I'm talking about the process. On the other hand, I am equally as sure that many relationships have actually become incredibly strong because of the wedding planning process. I want mine to be the latter for sure, but navigating through all of the different potential pitfalls can be a nightmare, and if you don't have the patience or the communication skills, planning a wedding yourself can turn into a disaster. If you really think about it, planning a wedding touches on each of the most important aspects of a marriage, and each one of these areas is often cited as one of the main reasons marriages fail.

Family: Planning a wedding is the ultimate test in dealing with each others family. Luckily for my fiancee and I, we both have very good relationships with our future in-laws. I have nothing but respect and love for her parents and she feels the same way about mine. We are both very close to our families, so we lucked out in this area. However, that doesn't mean that there still aren't problems created during the planning process. It all starts with the invite list. Who's coming to the wedding from each side of the family? Is it lop-sided? Do we let Cousin Bob bring his new mail-order bride? Is my fiancee's grandma going to be upset when she has to talk to my crazy Uncle Billy about his hatred for big government and his overwhelming urge to start his own militia? Who knows? The bottom line is that the wedding is the first (and thankfully only) time when both of your families come together as a whole. Of course this can cause problems, but it's also a great way to get everything out in the open. A good marriage should start with a clean slate and a closet without skeletons. Having the whole family there is a great way to get it all out on the table for the world to see. It's a way of saying "this is where I came from, and these are my people; weird, dysfunctional, or whatever they may be, this is my family, and it's now yours too." The invitations are the first hurdle, but the biggest is the seating chart for the reception. Choosing who people will be eating their meal with and spending the night talking too is huge and without the right amount of strategy it can turn into a real nightmare. When my fiancee and I sat down to make the seating chart, we tried to pair people with like personalities together, sometimes regardless of family. A wedding is about two families coming together too, so this is a great way to facilitate that, if it's possible. At first everyone seems so different, but after you're really forced to sit down and think about, you realize that your guests share a lot more than you realized. If you can learn to accept the fact that families are sometimes a little odd (and sometimes bat-shit crazy) you can use the wedding and reception to put the "fun" back in dysfunction!

Friends: If you're anything like me, your friends are your family. I have few friends, and the ones that I do have mean the world to me, quirks and all. The same issues that you'll have to deal with concerning family will inevitably come up when dealing with friends. Again, luckily for my fiancee and I, we both get along with each others friends, so we've kind of dodged a bullet with friends and family.

Finances: This is a big one. My first suggestion to anyone planning a wedding is to make the budget the first step in the planning process; before you pick the place, the date, any of that. I know that it might not sound like the most romantic way to approach a wedding (my fiancee thinks that I'm WAY too practical sometimes, which I am) but it is definitely going to be the biggest source of friction between the two of you. There will inevitably be things you'll want to spend money on that your spouse won't. While she'd rather spend $1,000 on MORE flowers, I would (hypothetically speaking of course) rather hire a 3-piece mariachi band to play a little "Tequila" at the reception (C'MON!!! It's Mexico!). One of the most important things you can do is develop a budget and stick to it. Once you max out an area, drop it and move on. This can help cut down on some disagreements, not to mention it's great practice for your future as a married couple with shared finances. This is a great way to see how fiscally responsible (or irresponsible) your spouse-to-be is. Despite her leanings toward the finer things in life, my fiancee and I have been very budget-minded for this wedding, and I'm happy to say that as of now, we are actually a little under budget, which, of course, we don't expect to last very much longer. But communicating about finances has helped us be comfortable with the wedding that we're having. We've had to make some sacrifices, but they were made for the greater good of our future, and we're perfectly ok with that.

These are probably the biggest hurdles you'll face while planning a wedding. There's also a ton of other areas that can test a couple. You may think the centerpieces look like they came from a funeral home. She may think your tequila bar and cigar-rolling station are a little over-the-top. The bottom line is that you both must remember that, no matter the hype, it's ONE day. Sacrifice, bend but don't break, and most importantly, talk to each other about what's important. Chances are the real good stuff lies down the road with the feeling of the keys to your first house dropped in your hands; or the night you bring your first baby home. Although the wedding stuff may seem like the most important thing in the world at times, it's one day in a whole bunch of days as a family. If you give a little here and there, the true reward is seeing how happy your partner can be.

So for god sakes, let the guy have a mariachi band.

There's No I in Wedding...Oh Wait

Well folks, here I am again, and this time it's only been a month or so since my last post! Much better than the previous 3 month gap, but still pretty pathetic. As you probably guessed the lapse in posts means that the magical day is getting closer and closer! Now with only 50 days left until the big day we are finally in, as the brave men and women who fight for our country like to say, "the shit." Believe me, I have the utmost respect for the soldiers who fight for our country, so I am, in no way, attempting to cheapen the experiences that they have. All I'm saying is that there have been quite a few nights here lately where my fiancee and I have spent hours pouring over emails, pictures, budget spreadsheets, and countless other pieces of random paperwork; only to look over and see the other person with "the thousand yard stare." Quite frankly, we underestimated (somewhat vastly) the whole process of planning a destination wedding ourselves. You see, wedding planning is kind of like one of those Russian nesting dolls; but instead of another beautifully painted doll inside of the doll you just opened, there's really just a bunch of checklists to finish and bills that need to be paid. Then you finish all of those, and there's more flowers to pick out and goodie bags to make, and etc., etc., ad nauseum. When we first decided to tackle this beast ourselves we figured it'd be a great way to use our personal strengths and band together in our first act as a real family; now that this intimate little beach wedding has been zapped and turned into Frankenwedding, it's put us to the test both as individuals and as a couple.

One of the reasons I love my bride-to-be is her attitude. She doesn't like rules; never has. She wants what she wants and generally when she wants it, and once she sets her mind on something she chugs full steam ahead until she gets it. I, on the other hand, am a rule follower. I yield; I stay off the grass; if the women's restroom at a bar is open but the men's is full, I'll wait. Don't get me wrong, being an only child and a Leo, I also like to get what I want and when I want it; I'm just much more calculated about it. I'll wait for what I think is the right time to strike and then make my move. She's Leatherface with a chainsaw; I'm Hannibal Lecter with a scalpel. Obviously, this makes for some pretty messy situations. But throughout this planning process we've learned that we work pretty well as a team. When we need blunt-force, no negotiating, our way or the highway, I turn her loose on our wedding coordinator in Mexico. When we need rational, pragmatic and persuasive arguments, it's me you'll see on the mic. The bottom line is that, no matter what, this whole process is definitely teaching us how to work together as a team to trouble-shoot and problem-solve, and I think that's a lot of what marriage is ultimately about. You can have all of the passion in the world, but the bottom line is that a lot of what being married is about is the day-to-day and the detritus that comes with it. If you can't learn how to work together to make sure those little problems remain little problems, then all the passion in the world isn't going to save you.

Working your way through life's little bumps and twists and turns may not seem sexy, but when you realize that you have someone in your corner whose got your back through all of those little valleys, the peaks become that much higher, and that's what stokes the passion. Of course, I am the rational one, so I would think that.

Well, it's officially been a long time since I last posted anything. Funny how you get so many thoughts and ideas during one little stretch, then the inspiration kind of dries up. A lot of that has to do with the fact that I traveled for the holidays, which just takes a lot out of you. Then I got sick thanks to the fact that those travels had me flying out of and back into the cesspool of air travel, LAX. I've never been snotted on and sneezed at so many times in my life. Why there's not some sort of reality show shot in the terminals of that airport is beyond me. Maybe a Survivor-ish type of show where teams battle to see who gets through airport security without being violated prison-style. I envision a challenge where teams must negotiate through the maze that is the Starbucks/Burger King Combo line and purchase a meal for two (including condiments) for under $25. The winner would be the team who manages to actually make their flight, sit in the seats that were actually assigned to them, and have enough room to store their carry-on baggage without having to smash any bags down to the size of a postcard.

Bonus if your plane makes it to the right airport on time and your pilots aren't asleep, drunk, or on their laptops playing Farmville (adjusting schedules my ass).

On top of traveling and being sick, I've also hit an unexciting part of the wedding planning process. We've already done all of the fun creative stuff, such as picking out invitations, figuring out color schemes, and all that fun stuff. But we're still not close enough to really be anticipating and dealing with all the last minute stressors. Right now we're in the not-so-fun part of the planning process (at least to me; to my fiancee and my ever-so-craftsy mom, this part is awesome). This part consists of shopping in countless craft stores for little gift basket knick-knacks, addressing, stamping, and licking countless envelopes, and taking care of all the mundane details that bring everything together. Back on the topic of envelopes, I hope to god there's not some government study in 10 years that shows licking envelopes causes cancer, because if there is, anyone who's ever been married is screwed. I've never licked, addressed, and stamped more envelopes in my life. From invitations to RSVP cards to Thank You cards from the showers, it just keeps going. I swear that weddings are the only reason paper companies still exist.

Now we've officially hit the 3 months to go mark, and with reaching that milestone I am happy to announce that the wedding is still on, as planned, and we only rarely thought about doing creative things to make the other person suffer for their wrongs. Sure, we've had our fair share of disagreements about the wedding, but that's to be expected. I feel like I'm much more hands on than most guys about the wedding; I have opinions, and I'm not afraid to voice them, sometimes with little to no thought about how they sound when they're coming out of my mouth. I'm sure there are times when my fiancee wishes I was like most guys, simply nodding yes and repeating "yes dear" to every suggestion she offers, but I'm not. I'm in this too, but I've learned that no matter how much time and effort you, as a man, want to invest into the wedding planning process, it's oftentimes much better to simply sit back and let her take the reigns. I'm still learning to pick my battles, but I have to say I've gotten much better recently. I've learned that trying to be a pragmatic man about a day that contains nothing but whimsy and fairy-tale to your fiancee is a fool's errand. I now know when to throw my opinion into the fray and when to sit back and accept the fact that wedding planning can sometimes be a one-woman tornado of check-lists, color schemes, and assorted odds and ends that will undoubtedly go into making an epic wedding. I think the thing that saves us is that, although my fiancee is nuts about our wedding, she does have a practical side to her (this is where everyone who knows her and is reading this will probably spit out whatever they're drinking) and I know that she is open and willing to discuss the big stuff with me. And really, as a guy, I guess that's all we're supposed to do; enjoy the ride and be there when the bride is on the fence to give her a figurative push.

The bottom line is that yes, this day represents and celebrates both of us, but as men we have to realize that this is a day woman dream about their whole lives. And while there should definitely be input from both sides and important decisions should be made as a team, supporting the bride-to-be and encouraging her to express herself maybe the best way to ensure you don't spend the whole honeymoon trying to coax her out of the locked bathroom while you try to read close captioned SportsCenter on the hotel TV across the room.