Back To Reality

Here we are now, in the middle of June. My wedding's been over for 6 weeks, the honeymoon's been over for 2 weeks, and the depression is just starting to subside a little bit. Everyone tries to prepare you for the post-wedding letdown, but there is really no way to prepare for it, especially if you do a destination wedding as large as ours with a bride as focused on the details as mine. I know that all brides get the post-wedding blues; after all, it's the day all girls wait for their entire lives, and then it's over so quickly, of course there's a bit of depression associated with it all being over. But I think that our situation was even more difficult given the circumstances surrounding our wedding.

We are a very social couple. We were engaged at a winery with 10 of our best friends from Santa Barbara. We had so much fun on that little trip and our families are so spread out that we decided a destination wedding fit us best. 21 months passed between the moment I slipped the ring on her finger and the day we said our vows, and those almost two years were filled with so much planning, so much communication, so many decisions, so much stress...so much of, well, everything. 81 people joined us in Mexico...81. If you've ever talked to anyone who has planned or been to a destination wedding, 81 is A LOT of people. Our wedding coordinator was somewhat helpful, but we had to take care of much of the planning process ourselves. The 5 day wedding celebration in Puerto Vallarta went off without a hitch. Everyone had a blast, everyone got along, everyone was one big happy family. Then, we came home and it was all over. All that planning, all that work, all that time with family and friends...gone. Over. Done. Nothing but files upon files of pictures to go through and laundry to do when we got home. The first couple of days after the wedding were really tough for us. Neither one of us wanted to get out of bed, go to work, clean the house, do anything that resembled a daily routine. It was as if we were trying to turn back the clock by refusing to get on with our lives. It didn't work. The days rolled on and the wedding receded further and further into the rear view mirror. Although neither one of us could ever forget the feelings we experienced being around so many people we cared about so much, deep down I was terrified that I would, and I'm fairly certain my wife felt the same way. Yes the wedding planning was such a big part of our life for so long, but my depression ran much deeper than just the fact that the wedding was over. For me, the experience of having everyone together was what really affected me. For the first time we had my friends, my family, my wife's friends, my wife's family, and all of our mutual friends together in one place. It was like watching your life in rewind. All of the different groups getting together and sharing stories about each other helped us all form a bond that won't soon be broken. We came together not just as a group, but as one big family. Differences in perspective and belief were suspended as groups with diametrically opposed views came together to celebrate with us. There was no drama. There were no fights. There was just us...and a guy in a day-glo banana hammock. Witnessing how much your friends and family care about you is a very powerful thing, as is watching your friends reinforce why they're such good friends. After all, a lot of things can go wrong in a tropical paradise with an open bar, but our friends represented us better than we could have ever imagined, and those that weren't considered part of the family before most certainly are now. Being yanked away from that experience was tough, but we knew that we still had an absolutely amazing honeymoon ahead of us. That's really the only thing that kept us going after the wedding. Every time we were down, all we had to do was look at those plane tickets and tell ourselves that the dream was going to continue for a little while longer.

Before either of us knew it, we were loading our bags into the overhead and settling down for a 17 hour flight from LAX to Bangkok. It was the longest flight I'd ever been on in my life, but at least the seats on Thai are nice and big and recline, you have your own personal entertainment system, they serve decent food and free booze, and we had enough Ambien to put down a rhino for an afternoon siesta. Stepping out of the airport in Bangkok was like being decked in the face. The sights, sounds, smells, and intense heat were overwhelming. I officially know the definition of culture shock now. Our first hotel was kind of a dump, and we knew that we were going to be tested as soon as we walked in and saw the two single beds. During the course of our stay there (18 hours) we had a broken shower head, and broken window lever, a malfunctioning AC unit, no TV remote, no clock, and I had to fix their internet. We could have approached it two ways; we could have been upset that the first day of our honeymoon was turning out like a scene from a Griswold family vacation, or we could have laughed it off. We chose the latter. We pushed the beds together, set our travel alarm clock, turned the TV off, and stole free internet after I fixed it. We decided in that day that we were going to enjoy everything that was thrown at us because this was a once in a lifetime experience. From the beautiful beaches of southern Bali, to the lush jungles of central Bali, to the smoldering streets of Bangkok and the emerald seas of Koh Samui, we enjoyed every minute of our trip, regardless of what came at us. In Bali we enjoyed a phenomenal chef's tasting dinner on the beach at sunset. The food was amazing, the views were incredible, and it was 742 degrees. It took all of 3 minutes for me to completely sweat through my clothes. It was miserable. It was hysterical. One picture from that dinner has become one of everyone's favorite from the honeymoon because you can tell that, even though I'm miserable, I'm loving every minute of the experience. Then I got sun poisoning. 2 days of cold sweats and hot flashes, coupled with intense stomach problems couldn't keep my spirit down. Yes, I was sick, but I was sick because I had LAID ON THE BEACH IN THE SUN FOR TOO LONG...I mean, c'mon. Then there was the last-minute scramble for a hotel in Bangkok after the Four Seasons couldn't open because of the protests. While this was an inconvenience and it meant we couldn't see some of the parts of Bangkok we wanted to see, we can now say we were in Bangkok during a potentially pivotal (although pretty ugly) moment of Thai history. In Koh Samui I tore the tops of my feet up pretty good snorkeling in Ang Thong marine park. Although it was painful, it was no more serious than a few scrapes on my feet. And now, when people ask how I got the scars on the top of my foot I can say "oh that...that's just from a reef off the coast of Koh Samui." Everyone loves a great scar, if you don't believe me just watch the scene from Jaws where they're comparing scars; one of the best scenes in cinema if you ask me.

Anyway, those were the BAD parts of the trip, which just goes to show you how good the good parts were. There was the Grand Palace in Bangkok, which was absolutely incredible in its level of detail and ornamentation. We trudged through the rain and took tuk-tuks all over the city until we found Chatuchak market, which just happens to be the world's largest street market. Although I hate shopping, this is a must-see for anyone going to Bangkok. 8,000 booths sell anything and everything. My wife shopped, I drank Singhas and ate assorted strange meats on a stick. It was awesome.

The landscape of Bali is something that cannot be easily and accurately described to someone who hasn't experienced it first hand. We started out on the sun-drenched beaches and surf spots of southern Bali, where we spent our days paddle boarding in Jimbaran Bay and our nights eating fresh-grilled seafood with our toes in the sand. Our road trip to Padang Padang beach and Uluwatu temple was a truly memorable experience, although if you do go I would suggest skipping the fire dance at Uluwatu. Unfortunately the Balinese people have difficulty balancing the reverence and ceremony associated with their spiritual side with the need to exploit the culture for tourist dollars. There are other places on Bali to see representations of important cultural celebrations, but Uluwatu is a must-see for the beautiful sunsets on the clifftop temple and the kleptomaniac monkeys. From there we traveled into the rice fields and lush jungles of central Bali. This area is the artistic heart of Bali. This part of the island is so totally different from the sea-centric southern part of the island. Volcanoes pock the landscape and the jungle overtakes everything that's not constantly maintained. Red brick and stone temples dominate every neighborhood along the route to Ubud, the ominous-looking gargoyle-like statues guarding the entrance from evil spirits and negative thoughts. We were lucky enough to meet a great driver who was with us for three days. During that time he took us to a lot of places that most tourists would never get to see. Shopping for fruit with my wife on the way to Mt. Batur was one of my fondest memories. Seeing her excitement as she tried all this tropical and mysterious fruit was truly memorable for me. The small town of Ubud was thick with expats and artists, a vibrant mix of locals and tourists that created an atmosphere I have never experienced before. We met a great group at the Four Seasons in Sayan. Coincidentally they were from LA, and we got along very well. They were quite an entertaining group, and the stories they told us were so funny, it's a shame we can't repeat them. If you guys are reading this, thanks for the cocktails in your insane villa, and thanks for the company. Hopefully we'll remain friends for a long time.

Then it was off to Koh Samui, an island in the Gulf of Thailand. The Four Seasons there was the most ridiculously beautiful hotel I've ever seen in my life. The private villa we had had its own lap pool overlooking the ocean and neighboring Koh Phangan. Emerald seas washed over a coral reef and lapped gently onto the white sand beach.The only real workout I got was taking the kayak out to the reef and exploring. We spent one morning zip-lining through the high canopy, dodging spiders as big as my hand and even bigger geckos. Then we rented a car and drove around the entire island, which was one of my absolute favorite experiences. Driving around on your own is such a great way to experience another culture (provided you have the proper insurance and permits and keep your wits about you while you're driving and while you're checking the car in and out, otherwise it can be a nightmare). Piloting a right-hand drive car on the left side of the road took a little getting used to, but we managed to get along just fine. We found an isolated village on the southern tip of the island and in it we found a little shack selling beer and snacks. We spent some of the afternoon sitting on a beach, just the two of us, watching a Thai man wash his buffalo in the sea. From there we headed out to a safari park, where we walked amongst the Asian elephants that were taking people for rides. I was really looking forward to hanging out with elephants, but this turned out to be more exploitation than anything. Instead of riding the elephants we just walked around and petted their trunks, taking pictures of the ones that were docile enough to let us. One of the highlights of the day was getting to hold a tiger cub. He was only about 75 lbs, but bottle feeding him allowed you to feel all the power in his jaws. And when he went to paw at the bottle you really got a sense of how big he was going to be by the size of his paws, and more importantly, the size of his claws. After that it was off to Chaweng, the most popular tourist district on Koh Samui. Again, the wife exercised her shopping muscles while I exercised my patience muscles. After snagging some bargains we headed out to the small fishing village of Bo Phut, where we watched the sun finish setting behind Big Buddha, a huge golden Buddha statue that sits right on the water front. The Thais really enjoy building extra large statues of Buddha; they seem to be everywhere. It was really interesting to be in Thailand and Bali, where the religious beliefs are so out in the open and so celebrated. It's interesting to see a culture where religion is such a central part of the culture, yet you see very few fanatics trying to convert or preach. Perhaps the Christians in the US and the Islamic extremists the world over should take a few notes. At dinner in Bo Phut I was finally introduced to another inescapable aspect of the Thai culture; the sex industry. Every bar in this little fishing town was full of girls (and ladyboys) who would yell out at passing tourists for dates. I had to make a trip back to the rental car from the restaurant to grab some wine we had bought earlier, and on my way back to the restaurant I noticed the sound of high heels running behind me. As she gained on me I knew I was going to get solicited, so I turned to see a tall Thai in a tight white mini (and I mean MINI) skirt. As she got right behind me she said "you need date tonight handsome?" But the voice didn't match the face or the body. It matched Barry White. I almost pissed myself laughing. Taking a car and setting out on your own may seem daunting in a foreign country, but if you take the right precautions it can open so many opportunities that most people would never get to have. The freedom to explore wherever you want whenever you want is liberating and exciting, and this day trip really made our trip. We spent another day in Ang Thong, which is a marine sanctuary made up of 43 small islands. The landscape is absolutely breath-taking, with limestone spires jutting out of the crystal clear green waters. We went snorkeling (hence the scratches and scrapes mentioned earlier) and got to eat lunch and explore in the only village in the park. This was one of the saddest and most impacting parts of the trip. I've seen plenty of poverty in my life. But never, ever have I seen poverty like this. These villagers were sustenance fishers and farmers, their only other income coming from the small fees they get for the day trips like the one we were on. The village was covered in piles of garbage, with only ramshackle huts to house the 600 citizens. In perhaps one of the strangest juxtapositions I have ever seen, the only real sounds in the village came from a blaring tv set playing Thai cartoons. As I walked through the village I thought about living like that. Could I do it? Maybe if I that was all I had known I could, but now, no way. I've become so spoiled, so accustomed to the things I've taught myself that it's my right to have, that I sometimes take for granted the things I DO have. I think that we all tend to focus on the things that we don't have, and unfortunately it seems that so much of the time we have to lose everything before we realize what we do have. And even if you were to lose your possessions, say you got laid off, couldn't work for a long time, had to declare bankruptcy...you still have much, much more than these people will ever have. That's a very powerful realization to have, and it's one that will forever change my perspective on what I have and what I need to be happy. The last highlight of the trip was the Full Moon Party on Koh Phangan. This is a world-renowned beach party celebrating the full moon. DJ's and food and booze stands line the beach while fire dancers perform and people dance. The one we attended was relatively small, only 30,000 people. After a 30 minute speed boat ride it was time to uncross my fingers, jump off the boat, and grab a cocktail. I was a little shocked at the cocktails. They consisted of a small bucket, a pint of vodka or Thai whiskey, a can of Coke, and a can of Red Bull. You give the vendor 200 baht (a little less than $7) and they fill the bucket with ice, dump everything in it, and stick about 6 straws in the bucket. That's your cocktail. Yeah. We met about 9 million people, including a bunch of nutty German girls, a crazy Canadian and a Thai DJ. I slid down a steel slide through a ring of fire and fell INTO the boat going home. Truly one of those once in a lifetime experiences that I'll never forget.

The trip home was a much more somber affair than the trip there. The flight was not as long (only 14 hours) and uneventful. We looked at pictures, watched movies, and slept. The 2 hour drive home from LAX to Santa Barbara was quiet and reflective. And the next day, the depression really set in. And even though it still hasn't totally faded as life gets back to normal, there's one thing that always seems to help; friends and family.

The one thing I realized I needed more of in my life was relationships. We met some truly incredible people on our trip (shout out to Howell and the LA crew) and we couldn't help but realize how incredibly lucky we are to have both of our lives touched by such an amazing group of family and friends. The reason we're so sad now is because we truly miss all the incredible times we had at the wedding and in SE Asia, so I guess that's really not a reason to be down at all.